Misunderstood
by Clouded-Days
Summary: Everyone around him has faded, even Bakura. Ryou finds himself completely alone & not even Bakura will come out to talk. The pain is becoming too much & even a false world is created in his mind. As memories come, the pain only grows... One-shot. COMPLETE


A/N: I know how I said I wasn't going to post any new fics until the current ones are done, but this idea came to me at school and it wouldn't leave me alone until I wrote it up. It's only a one-shot, so you don't have to worry about it dragging on and on. Anyway, I hope you guys like it!

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_Freak. Insane. Loner. Monster._

…_That's what they call me now. I cry. I scream. But no one hears me. Not even you. I thought you were always going to be around for me. But often you've been locking yourself away in your soul room, so I'm entirely alone for hours on end. Sometimes I think I'm falling inside myself and I see a bizarre world taking shape in my mind. A world that is so much better than the one I currently live in._

_I'll lie there for what seems like days. The sky is always gray, even when the sun is out, and the clouds drift low, such a pure white. I'll lie in the field on my back, just staring as the sky casts itself over me. And just lie there, surrounded by black roses. Black roses that seemed so lonely, just like me…_

_I've always been alone. You used to be the only one I could speak to. But even then, you were merely a spirit that took form in my mind, and no one else could hear you but me. No one else could see you. That is, until you shoved me out of your way and used my body for your own purposes. You pulled me so far under sometimes I'd lie unconscious for hours before rising to the surface again, regaining control ever so slowly… But now not even that situation comes to light._

_You lock yourself away from me in your soul room. Your thoughts and words are blocked from my own sights. I cannot see you anymore. You never come out, not even when I retract into that fake world I've formed around me and my body is free for your use._

_It seems like forever since I've heard your voice. I used to consider you a sanctuary in a twisted way. You were my only hope, my only lifeline. But now the line is broken. I am by myself. My mind is obviously empty now with you locking yourself away._

_What is wrong with me? Am I too hideous for even you to look at me? Am I so stupid that my mistakes are pushing everyone away? Am I really as insane as they say, really so crazy that they're afraid of me?_

_I cannot hold the tears back anymore. I can't hold in the pain. My heart is breaking to shards now, and it cannot be fixed. It's an impossible task. Not even you coming back to speak to me will fix this._

_I've thought about pushing myself out of everyone's memories. I've thought about just cutting myself out of the picture- the picture with everyone in it, with you closest to me. Because then, I thought you were. I thought you were the closest to me, closest to my soul, the one who understood me the most._

_Was I wrong about that as well? Have I been lying to myself for so long I'm too blind now to see the truth? The truth that I've never been your twin soul at all… You've just been another person to talk to me. Then I began to disgust you, just like the others, and you push me out of the way. Now even you have left me in the dark._

_I thought you cared about me. I thought you were the only one that did…_

A river of tears forced the writing to stop. Ryou cried silently, a trail of tears cascading down porcelain cheeks before dripping onto the mahogany desk. The pen and diary were abandoned now, and Ryou buried his face in his hands in pure agony.

Slowly, he could feel his mind numbing. The tears stopped then, and suddenly, the images of the fake world came swirling into his brain so rapidly he nearly felt sick. The sky had darkened to pure black. The clouds were gone, and the roses were wilted. The once green grass was dead.

His hands were shaking. Ryou forced himself to pick up the pen and opened the journal to the last page he had written on. His hands trembled as he forced himself to write.

_I thought you cared. You were the only I truly trusted. And now even you have left me. I have nowhere else to go now. The fake world I created in my mind has died. It's no longer a sanctuary for me to go to. It no longer exists. It's gone. Swallowed in darkness. Dead inside. Just like me._

_I used to fool them. I used to put on such a mask, such a façade, such a fake identity that they could not read into me. They couldn't understand my feelings. It was as if I didn't have any. As if I was one of the foolish ones, always so happy and carefree. As if I had no worries at all. But it was the opposite._

_And all this time…_

Fresh tears spilled from near wounded chocolate eyes, splattering upon the last line, smearing the ink slightly. Ryou's breath shuddered as he tried to write further.

_If you were going to leave me alone, I wish you would leave. I wish you wouldn't just turn away from me and hurt me like this. It's starting to hurt me more than before. It hurts, having you around, but it's like I'm too stupid and childish and too much of a fool to realize that you hate me._

_Sometimes you'll haunt my dreams. The memories are burning up my mind now, and sometimes, I wish they'd just vanish. Memories of when I'd cry and scream in pain, and you'd listen, and you'd talk to me… But now… Now I'm alone again…_

He couldn't keep going. He dropped the pen and buried his face into his hands and sobbed. His cries were normally so quiet, so hidden; but now they were loud, filled with such a lace of agony. Tears spilled uncontrollably from his eyes, wetting his hands in the process. Pain erased the previous numb feeling of him mind, and the false world was fading from his memory, forever. It hurt too badly now to lie there, remembering. It was a false world of memories. Nothing more. But now he wanted it gone. And now it was dead, and it couldn't be returned to.

_They call me those names now because of you. They considered you crazy, you lonely, you a monster. Before this I would just say misunderstood… But now I think they're truly describing me… And I think it's all the truth…_

_I'm not good enough for any of them, not even you._

Ryou looked up with reddened eyes to the remainder of materials on the desk that were still around. A vase of black roses sat there, and he was positive they were staring to wilt.

With a scream of agony and twisted pain, Ryou swung out, sending the vase of flowers crashing to the hardwood floor. The crystal clear container shattered into pieces, water spilling, the flowers scattered there, petals lying alone, abandoned from their flowers.

_It won't be long before you forget me. But I will not forget you. Maybe I'll keep all the pictures and memories of you, even if I wind up dead from the overflowing pain of even thinking about you. It hurts so much now to think of how you hate me, and to think how much I thought you cared._

Ryou climbed to his feet with tears cascading down his stained face, and roughly stripped off his jacket, tossing it to the floor. Scars were decorating his wrists and forearms, previously cuts that looked self-inflicted.

_And every time I think about it, I'll have to stop the memory from haunting me. The pain… It's the only thing that blocks the memories from shattering my heart further. The crimson… It blocks out the memories of those black roses a little, eliminating how I thought of you. Yet every time I do it, it still hurts to know I was too stupid to realize it…_

Ripping open the desk drawer, Ryou picked up the shiny pocketknife gently, staring at it through tear-filled eyes. He closed his eyes tight then as the memories came back, and he lifted the blade a little above his forearm.

Little did he know that Bakura was currently sitting amidst black roses upon the floor of his soul room, his journal stained with tears, the exact same words written upon the lines. It was causing the exact same effects on both the darkness and the light. An uncontrollable pain that couldn't be stopped until communication resumed. A pain that made them both feel and seem misunderstood.

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A/N: THE END.

Wow. This was a pretty angsty one-shot, but the idea was just so haunting I had to make it into a little one-shot. So what did you guys think of it? Anyway, thanks for reading!

Much love!

-Clouded-Days


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